Virginia

Virginia grew up trying to please and keep the peace.

She was a nervous little girl that was all arms and legs. She did the best she could, to organize the family to try to please. She cooked, if necessary, even at a young age. She ran useless interference in the almost constant, bickering and battles that raged in the family. There was the constant strain of no money, too many eccentric family members living too closely together and a father who found solace and bravery in a bottle and a pool hall. Her mother, was an overwhelmed, emotionally detached, or shut down, school teacher. Her innate mother instinct tried to protect her little brother, 8 years her junior with a penchant for getting on the wrong side of their father. All of this would be more than an adult should handle, yet this was Virginia's life.

Instead of playing with dolls, she was cooking and ironing, if she was lucky. When hot summer came, she was out in the fields hoeing from early to late.

She wasn't taught to think of herself, she was expected to put everyone ahead of her own welfare, her own desires and dreams.

She didn't know she could go to college, no one told her, even though she was smart. So when a local boy asked her to marry him at 17, she didn't know what to do, so she asked her mother. Even though he was a nice boy, she was so hoping that her mother would say no, that she would tell her she had to finish school first, but the answer was yes.

This boy, Clifton, was raised very different from her, and the difference was really uncomfortable for her. Things were suppose to be perfect. Things had to be done a certain way, and that isn't how these people were.

Three children came too fast with no money, and no help. Clifton was sweet, but totally unable to make a decent living. Resentment grew over the years. The same frustrations of no money, and always having to put herself last on the list. She never even had a babysitter to give her even the smallest break.

She got a job outside the home eventually, when the kids were in school. Then a tragedy hit that no mother can prepare for. One of the girl's, her baby, was killed in a car accident. It didn't help that she had not wanted to make the trip...in fact had so dreaded it that she was almost sick, and cried with dread. But went regardless, over her feelings, because that is how she was raised, put everyone else ahead of what she wanted.

She survived, she had two other little girls to see to. So she survived and loved her remaining daughters and kept working. But the marriage was over. The strain and hurt went too deep to keep pretending.

Virginia never realized her dreams. Partly because she was always just trying to survive. Her world now is revolving around one of her daughter's and her family. The other daughter is caught up in her own life, with problems of her own, trying to survive her own way.
Virginia is adored by her daughter and son in law, her grandson and his wife, and her great granddaughter that thinks there is no one better than her "Gin". She's wanted and appreciated. She never ever feels good enough, or loved enough, or appreciated enough to fill that hole in her soul that was placed there by a missed childhood. That little girl is still in there, still believing that she isn't pretty, that she's too skinny, she's poor, and is never shown that she is cherished and adored. She didn't feel like a little princess, as her great granddaughter believes. She didn't feel that there was anyone who would fight for her. You just never get over that. The childhood of lack.

I would fight dragons for her. I wish with all my heart that she had found her prince. But all I can do, is love her with all my heart, and cherish every day that I have her in my life. Because if she'd been a weak woman, or a selfish woman, I would never have grown into the confident woman that I am today. I will never be able to tell her how much I appreciate what she has given me in my life.

Thank you, Mother for giving me what you never were given, unconditional love.