Phil - Lost Love

Phil has never been completely out of my life. He never will be, I'd be willing to bet. It's such a sad story.

Phil was my first love.(Love) That bittersweet memory, most folks have.

From a first kiss in a hot yellow mustang, parking in the moonlight, planning our lives together, dreaming, kissing, loving, and then the tragic, dramatic loss of our dreamed lives together...I've never let go of him. Nor he of me. Not completely.

Not an affair, nor anything close. Just a refusal to completely sever that connection, even though each has separate lives and loves.

Our life together was blown apart by our own naivety. Our pride. Youth.

Possessive, jealous, funny, rocksteady, patient, overwhelming, Aries male.

Aries is a Cardinal Fire sign. As the first sign in the zodiac, and corresponding with the first day of spring, the Aries individual is a mover and shaker, fearlessly forging ahead into new territory.

The Aries personality is always a force to be reckoned with. These are curious and energetic individuals, always delving into new areas. Arians are forthcoming and direct. They don't generally have hidden agendas or ulterior motives.

Opinionated and often territorial about possessions. They will tell you like it is, according to their own inner truths, and will not feel bad about it later. These are the free birds of childhood, and they feel that they have the right to explore new territories unhindered, both physical and mental. Getting a kid like this to follow the rules may be a challenge. Even when young, all Arians are very competitive and cannot stand it if they do not come out on top. This "me first" attitude will be evident throughout life, and they often get what they want simply because of this unshakable attitude.

And this general profile of an Aries is so spot on with my long lost love. Both the reason why I felt so safe, and at times smothered.

The boy has now long been a man.

I haven't seen Phil in 12 years now. Almost 20 years prior to that. I do keep in touch through all of our modern ways, e-mail and such.

We know we made a mistake long ago. We both did. Phil, I think, has believed all these years that the loss of our relationship fell directly and completely on his shoulders, and it didn't. I wish I could repair the damage that I did to him, all those years ago. I wish he understood that if I'd been older, or wiser, I'd have forgiven him, as I certainly have now. It doesn't erase the error that was done. It doesn't give us back the life we could have had. It might have been wonderful, but again, we really can't know that. I pray for him, that he has a happy life. One free from guilt over a silly girl who couldn't forgive a good man a mistake. One stupid mistake. I should have known him better, I should have forgiven and let us go on to have that life we planned, but I was a stupid, arrogant, silly girl, with no experience and no way to understand...

He's still loyal and honest, and strong. He deserves to be happy...to have love and to feel respected.





Hello!!!