My Mask Slipped and I Cried

When you’re married to an alchoholic, in order to deal with the chaos, you slowly learn to mask your emotions. The public sees what you intend for them to see….in my case…a bubbly, outgoing, happy woman, , a mother with a beautiful home and active son.

I had no background for this life, no pattern. No one in my family drank at all...no one. I was embarassed.

My mother had an instinct that something wasn’t right in my life…..but that wasn’t something I wanted to admit to my mother...I knew she’d be fiercely in my corner, she’d make me face the decisions I knew in my heart I would one day have to face..but please, God, not today...I had a son to take care of, and I didn’t know what would happened to my husband if I left...or, frankly how I would provide for my son….

My standard answer to anyone in my family who asked how things were, was “Everythings fine”. My mask, through practice and necessity, staying neatly in place. My sister called me Pollyanna…"Everythings, fine….." Smile, and cheerful disposition nicely on display.

Everything changes whether we’re ready or not. Reality came crashing in one weekend when I took a trip home (from Atlanta) with my son to visit my parents…After one day, I got a very confusing call from my husband…he wanted to know where I was…he was completely confused, ranting, frightened, had walked all over the neighborhood, looking for me...Without explaining to my family that something was wrong, I drove the hour long ride home, breathing fast and shallow, not having any idea what I would be walking into at home...

My husband was having hallucinations when I got home...scared of some kind of worm only he could see...he had had a seizure and had bitten his tongue badly….He…..we…. had to have help...

As my world crumbled, I held my 6 month old precious son close, reached for the phone and dialed his parents…..............as his Dad answered the phone, my mask slipped and I cried.

Sally Omar
Ginger, Thank God you were finally strong enough to come to terms with it…we all
wear masks at one time or another for many different reasons…Hugs, Sally xxxxoooo

Ginger Barritt replied
It took a lot of love from my friends and family to break free…

CazzieCreations
Wow Ginge!! this is so well written as always !! really touched my heart and brought tears!! ((hugs))


Ginger Barritt replied
Thank you, I’m always uncomfortable with writing…but I love it too…Maybe it will help someone…

DarkStars
You sure do have a way with words Ginger, beautifully written, emotionally touching. I can relate to a degree, it’s not easy….

Ginger Barritt replied
Thank you…very much!

Maximus
Glaed you broke free as a Pastor I saw far too many just stay put.. :)

Ginger Barritt replied
I thought I had “made my bed” as our pastor use to say….You know how some feel you have to stay no matter what….

chasingsooz
Beautiful ... tender … emotive writing. You make me cry.

Ginger Barritt replied
Thank you hon, you know this is putting myself out there in an uncomfortable zone…..

hilarydougill
Bless!!! It is so easy to open a draer on a morning and put on the mask, but such a relief at night to take it off and put it back in the drawer. Alcolhlism is one of the hardest things to live with, that and drugs, because you don’t want others to know the problem, so it all falls on your shoulders, The cry was the best thing you could do. Let it out!!! love and hugs sweetheart. xxx (remember what I said about Pluto?)

Ginger Barritt replied
I remember, I just got back on and just read your good email…I’ll thank you properly a bit later…I appreciate you so much, Hilary.

Jaybe
We all have masks…and they’re all different shapes, sizes and colours. Taking your mask off IS uncomfortable but it helps others to remove theirs too. Often, the people with the bubbliest personalities, the humour and the compassion have had tough times…..it’s all down to how we use that life experience….
Touching writing…....xox

Ginger Barritt replied
I appreciate that Jaybe….I divorced him in 94. He died from a fall, in 2003.

Jaybe
I can only imagine how tough a decision that was….xox

Ginger Barritt replied
Tougher for my son…



Gili Orr
8 years ago I left someone who “couldn’t live without me” after 16 years together… no alcoholism, but other problems. co-dependency is a tough one, can suck all your energy… thanks for sharing, Ginger! Thought it was a recent thing, till I read further, that it was quite a while ago…

Ginger Barritt replied
It is a real problem…not wanting to admit you’ve made a mistake, hoping things will change….you know….Thanks Gili, It’s really good to see you!

jadeast
Did that Twice before I got my life under control, I understand some of what you dealt with!

Ginger Barritt replied
I think the majority of humans deal with something like this, either themselves, or with friends or family at some time or other….most of us have to learn the hard way….

Enivea
You have brilliantly written about a situation many people have found themselves in. Well done!!

Ginger Barritt replied
That is an amazing compliment…thank you…I hope that somehow, anyone finding themselves in a situation that is dark..can see that it takes facing the problem, removing the mask, face the possible embarassement, or your feeling of failure and take care of the problem…..sometimes, as for me…you have to get out.

velveteagle
We do not own anyone Ginger.. Nor would we want too. We are given the most important gift of life called Choice. Many take the wrong choice and are left with less. You are only going to own your memories. Life is not that long until we kiss eternity.. Take what beautiful memories you can now.. You have that choice.. It sounds like you on on the right road to many smiles.. God can’t change yesterday Ginger.. Breath…

Ginger Barritt replied
Darlin’ I just love your heart…This piece was written about what I went through with my Exhusband serveral years ago….I had to make that hard choice to leave. After this first instance, we did get help..but it never lasted for long before we were again going through the same thing again….My husband went for treatment a total of 5 times over 13 years…I left him in 94 and in 2003 he died…A brilliant, loving man, but consumed by a need to self destruct…My son says that in the end, he gained a wonderful friend in his father..I pray he found a peace before he died.

velveteagle
Thank you for explaining this Ginger.. I have worked with people with severe problems for the past 31.5 years.. To survive you have to never hate anyone.. Just what they do.. You are a survivor to pass on seeds to those who get lost.. Thanks again..

Ginger Barritt replied
Thank you….I hope you touch as many hearts as you have mine…I believe giving and teaching and loving are great gifts and blessings…..

Christopher Bi...
i have just read this ginger, bravo my brave sister! i just dont know how to respond to it yet. i have goosebumps! will reread when i am next on tonight….........cxxxxx

Ginger Barritt replied
Oh, sweetie…It’s long gone in the past…..as you understand, since you actually inspired me to do the cathartic thing and perhaps help someone in the process….give back what you learn!!!

Lori Peters
What a moving story , Ginger. I am so sorry for the pain that you had to go through. I know more of the story and I know what a strong woman you must be to have survived so much. I am glad to call you a friend. XXX lori

Ginger Barritt replied
Lori, that is one of the sweetest things anyone has said…Thank you…

Lori Peters
You are welcome. XXX

delete Sharon Perrett
Oh wow Ginger, how beautifully brave of you to write this, and yes I think we all have masks we hide behind until the day like yours it slips, you are an amazing woman, I keep looking at your smiling face and thinking what an inspiration you are. Thank you for sharing this very personal journal. xxxxxxx

Ginger Barritt replied
Thank you, Sharon….I do want to add to this for you….my life has had several tragedies in it, but although it shaped me, I truly have been very blessed in my life…I am no victim…in any way….I am very happy and very blessed…...I love people to distraction I am so lucky to have a husband who loves me, and a beautiful son and daugher in law who have given me Zoie Beth, the absolute joy of my life….....

AnneG
Dear Ginger, Your are a strong lady, after reading a few of your journals. I am glad to see the strength of God working in you through all of your life so you are not fallen victim. I am glad to hear you are happy & blessed now. May God be with you & yours always. Anne


chasingsooz
“My mask slipped and I cried ..” Those words have played upon my mind and when I put the feature together, I knew I had to include this extraordinary work. I know how brave you were to share this with us and hope you don’t mind that i have featured you.
It’s just that I am so proud of you … your journey and the writer you have become.
Congratulations on your feature in Behind the Mask


Ginger Barritt
Sooz, I’m overwhelmed and honored that you feel it worthy to feature….Thank you.

Judi Taylor
Good for you, Ginger … to finally ask for HELP!! Asking for help does not infer weakness … it shows you are human and are willing to humble yourself to receive the goodness that is so deserved. Not only should this be featured but it should be a mantra that you live with every day. It is okay to allow the mask to slip and reveal the beautiful sensitive woman underneath. We are all one … I am you, Ginger … and so much like you it makes me cry to see just how much like you I was …and am. So allow me to hold your hand … together we can do anything!!!! :)

Ginger Barritt replied
Judi,,,I’m truly touched by your words…Thank you…I really appreciate that